Pause, reflect.

Each step of this dreaded USMLE process hangs heavier and heavier over my soul, like that one essential piece of carry on luggage on a 2 bag limit airline. I have postponed step 3, and have paid dearly with my wallet - I choked out an extra $200 and promised it was the only time. Therefore, on May 21st and 22nd, come hell or high water, I Must Take This Test. But have I not proven my medical acumen? Must I take yet another exam to show to the world, that I can indeed practice medicine? And pay for it? Mon dieu! Self pity aside, I did just have 4 straight days off (miracles never cease) which I spent deep in USMLE World, agonizing over 26 year old women with PID and 74 year old men with diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol and 80 pack year smoking histories. Nice. I feel I have made progress. Tomorrow, it is back to the world of General Surgery - my very last month - where I will express my joy at Nissen fundoplication this, whipple that, all the while wishing Neurosurgery - starting in June, yay - would come yesterday. There are things; an entire operating day with the infamous Dr. S, lunch with my family medicine intern friend, free french vanilla cappuchinos in the resident lounge and the intangible fulfillment that making a difference in a patient's life can bring; these are the things that make everything worth it.