Tomorrow is the last day of class before the first day of Christmas break. This is a good thing. I am looking forward to seeing my sister and her husband and my oh so little nephew (who just happens to be the cutest little boy on earth, cuter even, than your nephew). Now I can get down to some serious Heroes TV watching and some long anticipated Just After Sunset reading. Yes, indeed. Life is good.
BOD is only half as interesting as BAM. At this point in time one thing is still clear to me: I am definitely interested in learning about the brain. This means neurosurgery, neurology or psychiatry, in that order. Of course, I could have a mind blowing experience during a pathology rotation in 3rd or 4th year and decide to become a pathologist. [Insert joke about lack of people skills here]. Another thing...
As we plod through the body system by system, I am reminded of just how much will be expected of me somewhere between April 15th and July 1st. It's the big U. Or B. Or S of the B...I said the, not 'a'! Ladies and gentlemen, the boards are coming. And I am very afraid.
Goodnight.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Lists and such
This week I:
1. Watched a pituitary tumor being removed via the nose.
2. Took my second Brain and Mind test.
3. Got my grade for said test.
4. Caught a cold and then learned that Theraflu is far more superior to Dayquil.
5. Considered taking No doze and opted for coffee. (What next: uppers?)
Tomorrow I will:
1. Not take a nap after class, no matter how congested I feel.
2. Re-memorize those descending motor pathways (feels like Brown again).
3. Go to the gym if I feel better than I did this morning.
Right now I need to:
1. Read (and learn) about a bunch of opioid and NSAID analgesics.
2. Prepare for tomorrow's classes.
3. Not think about sleep.
4. Stop thinking about Pepperidge Farm Soft Baked Milk Chocolate Caramel cookies, because I have already consumed an entire package.
1. Watched a pituitary tumor being removed via the nose.
2. Took my second Brain and Mind test.
3. Got my grade for said test.
4. Caught a cold and then learned that Theraflu is far more superior to Dayquil.
5. Considered taking No doze and opted for coffee. (What next: uppers?)
Tomorrow I will:
1. Not take a nap after class, no matter how congested I feel.
2. Re-memorize those descending motor pathways (feels like Brown again).
3. Go to the gym if I feel better than I did this morning.
Right now I need to:
1. Read (and learn) about a bunch of opioid and NSAID analgesics.
2. Prepare for tomorrow's classes.
3. Not think about sleep.
4. Stop thinking about Pepperidge Farm Soft Baked Milk Chocolate Caramel cookies, because I have already consumed an entire package.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Brain and Mind, yo. (And MPSII)
Today was my first introduction to the harsh reality that is 2nd year. Class began at 8am as usual but after an hour and a half break for lunch (which will be reduced to an hour as the semester proceeds) it was back for more medical school learning. I realized that I never had the chance to say good bye to 1pm days with lectures that never exceeded 60 minute blocks. Lucky first years...
Yet, I had a very good day. The lectures were interesting (on the non-verbal part of the mental status exam), the small group discussions enlightening, though a tad bit tedious (what with the awkward pauses and the shuffling of the feet). I did get picked to play doctor and 'pretend' interview one of my classmates. With 12 other pairs of eyes on my every move and not having conducted a complete history since last year, my interview was - how do you say - not so hot, but still. For once in small group, my heart wasn't racing out of control and I actually thought about what I was doing...as I was doing it. Will wonders ever cease?
I think I will enjoy this semester. It is, after all, all the classes I have ever wanted to take, my major in College (Neuroscience) and my (as of now) dream career rolled into one. Of course, it doesn't help that everyone says it is the most (and I quote) 'horrid and unforgiving class at WCMC' and that 'by the end of the semester it will have made me it's b!$#&. Shudder.
I am half way through my anatomy of the neck notes for tomorrow and it is 11:06pm. Why did God make necks??
Yet, I had a very good day. The lectures were interesting (on the non-verbal part of the mental status exam), the small group discussions enlightening, though a tad bit tedious (what with the awkward pauses and the shuffling of the feet). I did get picked to play doctor and 'pretend' interview one of my classmates. With 12 other pairs of eyes on my every move and not having conducted a complete history since last year, my interview was - how do you say - not so hot, but still. For once in small group, my heart wasn't racing out of control and I actually thought about what I was doing...as I was doing it. Will wonders ever cease?
I think I will enjoy this semester. It is, after all, all the classes I have ever wanted to take, my major in College (Neuroscience) and my (as of now) dream career rolled into one. Of course, it doesn't help that everyone says it is the most (and I quote) 'horrid and unforgiving class at WCMC' and that 'by the end of the semester it will have made me it's b!$#&. Shudder.
I am half way through my anatomy of the neck notes for tomorrow and it is 11:06pm. Why did God make necks??
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Untitled
Unhappiness
is something that happens to other people, she said
of mind filled with possibilities and bursting forth with a mad desire to educate
those souls who could not know love as she knew it
how she was living and breathing and creating with every step
a monument, a vision of self sacrifice
So that not even the little that he had could dissuade her.
If there were an expression of doubt or pity that might stand in the way of her consciousness she could not see it because
Unhappiness
Was something that happened to other people.
And how could she?
When the mind is tormented with what the senses provide and what the heart will speak
What does it matter what the future will bring
If tomorrow will be the same as yesterday or the day before
And if the night will follow day?
In that moment; in that endless moment when their souls lay naked
Before the altar where they drink the sweet tears that consummate a union
There is only now.
So when she said
I am bruised and bleeding on the ground before you
I did not believe her.
For how could so cheap a thing which infected other people
Now rear its head and contaminate that vision of purity?
Suddenly the lines in the pavement that were once there to play by
Were cracks
And the sunlight that fell in your face in the morning window became a glare
Your laughter a mad cackle in the dark of the night.
But has she given over her mind’s thought to the depths of this new despair?
I have said to her this, but she does not respond.
is something that happens to other people, she said
of mind filled with possibilities and bursting forth with a mad desire to educate
those souls who could not know love as she knew it
how she was living and breathing and creating with every step
a monument, a vision of self sacrifice
So that not even the little that he had could dissuade her.
If there were an expression of doubt or pity that might stand in the way of her consciousness she could not see it because
Unhappiness
Was something that happened to other people.
And how could she?
When the mind is tormented with what the senses provide and what the heart will speak
What does it matter what the future will bring
If tomorrow will be the same as yesterday or the day before
And if the night will follow day?
In that moment; in that endless moment when their souls lay naked
Before the altar where they drink the sweet tears that consummate a union
There is only now.
So when she said
I am bruised and bleeding on the ground before you
I did not believe her.
For how could so cheap a thing which infected other people
Now rear its head and contaminate that vision of purity?
Suddenly the lines in the pavement that were once there to play by
Were cracks
And the sunlight that fell in your face in the morning window became a glare
Your laughter a mad cackle in the dark of the night.
But has she given over her mind’s thought to the depths of this new despair?
I have said to her this, but she does not respond.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
In the spirit of poetry...
...a new favorite.
Pursuit
Each thing I do I rush through so I can do
something else. In such a way do the days pass -
a blend of stock car racing and the never
ending building of a gothic cathedral.
Through the windows of my speeding car, I see
all that I love falling away: books unread,
jokes untold, landscapes unvisited. And why?
What treasure do I expect in my future?
Rather it is the confusion of childhood
loping behind me, the chaos in the mind,
the failure chipping away at each success.
Glancing over my shoulder I see its shape
and so move forward, as someone in the woods
at night might hear the sound of approaching feet
and stop to listen, then, instead of silence
he hears some creature trying to be silent.
What else can he do but run? Rushing blindly
down the path, stumbling, struck in the face by sticks;
the other ever closer, yet not really
hurrying or out of breath, teasing its kill.
-Stephen Dobyns
Pursuit
Each thing I do I rush through so I can do
something else. In such a way do the days pass -
a blend of stock car racing and the never
ending building of a gothic cathedral.
Through the windows of my speeding car, I see
all that I love falling away: books unread,
jokes untold, landscapes unvisited. And why?
What treasure do I expect in my future?
Rather it is the confusion of childhood
loping behind me, the chaos in the mind,
the failure chipping away at each success.
Glancing over my shoulder I see its shape
and so move forward, as someone in the woods
at night might hear the sound of approaching feet
and stop to listen, then, instead of silence
he hears some creature trying to be silent.
What else can he do but run? Rushing blindly
down the path, stumbling, struck in the face by sticks;
the other ever closer, yet not really
hurrying or out of breath, teasing its kill.
-Stephen Dobyns
Monday, June 30, 2008
i used to be bigger than this -
really
i was high flying high ballin'
in a high powered car
used to roll down the streets
glasses low hair gelled music on the stereo
hey baby - want a ride?
walking through the streets like twas nothing
i owned these people, these streets
mister - shine your shoes? mister - that drinks on the house
that drinks on me - mister
easy breazin easy ridin
the days and nights away
long gone now
no power no people no friends
as if they were ever
just me and this room
this cold dark room
with the roaches and the rats
and the screaming next door - christ, will you ever shut up?
no momma here no, boy
just you and me and everyone else
only time can tell
really
i was high flying high ballin'
in a high powered car
used to roll down the streets
glasses low hair gelled music on the stereo
hey baby - want a ride?
walking through the streets like twas nothing
i owned these people, these streets
mister - shine your shoes? mister - that drinks on the house
that drinks on me - mister
easy breazin easy ridin
the days and nights away
long gone now
no power no people no friends
as if they were ever
just me and this room
this cold dark room
with the roaches and the rats
and the screaming next door - christ, will you ever shut up?
no momma here no, boy
just you and me and everyone else
only time can tell
Monday, June 23, 2008
Seeing red
We agreed, we decided - we made contract to leave at 6pm, because Coldplay is playing at 8pm and I want to be there early. Doors open at 7pm. But N isn't here yet. I am about to see red.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Strap on whenever it seems appropriate
Many things have happened since we last talked. Yes...it's been quite a while, hasn't it? Let me tell you: grand things have transpired in the moments we have been apart. Like the fact that I am running a half marathon July 27th, right here in the streets of M. And the fact that I am actually going to a Coldplay concert in Connecticut this summer. But the real nitty gritty of the issue for today, ladies and gentlemen, is this: I went nuts last semester. That's right - I went stark raving mad. I was a raving lunatic for all of 16 weeks and I did not realize it fully until the semester was over and sanity spoke reason into my rabid mind. And by sanity I mean the voice of reason. This being, of course, my mother.
Probably, the seeds of my madness were sown towards the end of the first semester when I decided that my entire existence would cease to be if I Did Not Get Honors. Many a night was spent plotting and scheming to avoid this end. "So, I got an 88 on this last test....if I get at least a 95 on the next test and maybe a 92 on the last test, provided, of course I get 100% on the final, then maybe I could get honors. Cross fingers, knock on wood, throw salt over left shoulder, consider putting soul on lease." It was bad I tells ya. Bad. It so happened, that I did get honors that first semester. My ego was officially inflated. Life was good. The seeds, however, were starting to germinate.
Next semester came on by with its Anatomy and its Physiology and its Histology. Perhaps people in my class decided they really needed to get focused. Perhaps I became a little bit dumber. Perhaps it was a combination of the two. The fact of the matter is, I was getting *gasp* median scores. Me! How was this happening?? In desperation, I studied harder. I began to eye my classmates with suspicion. Who was this 34501 who kept getting 97% on every test, while I, surely, an honors student, was struggling by with 87's?? Was this fair? I deserved better! Did God hate me?
But the demon of the gunner is an insiduous and nefarious predator. Slowly I had breathed life to it as it crept into my nostrils. Quietly it had infiltrated the dark depths of my growing dementia. Before long, I was possessed. I was possessed with the demon of the gunner and I had gone mad. I studied because I wanted to get honors, I wanted to get 100% on that test, and damnit, if it was not going to be tested, why learn it? I forgot what it was to enjoy being in class, soaking up the sweet medical knowlege as it was taught to me. I lost sight of why I was in medical school, of whom I had begun this whole process of education for - the patient. (I had forgotten the face of my father.) In short, I was turning into the type of physician you would never want to treat your Aunt Mildred.
The semester ended and I did not bother to check my grades when they were posted. I knew there would be no honors beside my OCED number. However: I did not cease to be. I was alive and breathing and although I began to think murder in my mind when my Mom asked me for the eightieth time, "What's happened to you? You used to love going to class!" I was still in Medical School and I still had a second chance.
To further my learning experience, I discovered, after talking to the Course director for last semester, that, although my test average was mediocre (average of 88%), my PBL instructor must have loved me because I got a 95% on that baby. Turns out, I could have gotten honors if I hadn't been so doolally. 1.6 more points would have been just enough. But I would still be mad.
This is not supposed to be about grades. In fact, this is the last time I will ever refer to my grades in a post again. It's about how I became a gunner and then learned to live again. Or, how I learned what Medical School is really all about. Or maybe even, 10 things not to do in your first year of Medical School.
Today, now, I will study because I enjoy it and because I want to learn. If I need to spend an hour of my time looking up something I don't quite understand but probably won't be tested on come test, then so be it. I go to Medicine, Patients and Society because it is an important part of my growth as a physician and not because attendance is taken. I participate in small group discussion because I care, not just to get 'noticed by the facilitator'. Because sometimes you need to strap on whenever it seems appropriate.
Probably, the seeds of my madness were sown towards the end of the first semester when I decided that my entire existence would cease to be if I Did Not Get Honors. Many a night was spent plotting and scheming to avoid this end. "So, I got an 88 on this last test....if I get at least a 95 on the next test and maybe a 92 on the last test, provided, of course I get 100% on the final, then maybe I could get honors. Cross fingers, knock on wood, throw salt over left shoulder, consider putting soul on lease." It was bad I tells ya. Bad. It so happened, that I did get honors that first semester. My ego was officially inflated. Life was good. The seeds, however, were starting to germinate.
Next semester came on by with its Anatomy and its Physiology and its Histology. Perhaps people in my class decided they really needed to get focused. Perhaps I became a little bit dumber. Perhaps it was a combination of the two. The fact of the matter is, I was getting *gasp* median scores. Me! How was this happening?? In desperation, I studied harder. I began to eye my classmates with suspicion. Who was this 34501 who kept getting 97% on every test, while I, surely, an honors student, was struggling by with 87's?? Was this fair? I deserved better! Did God hate me?
But the demon of the gunner is an insiduous and nefarious predator. Slowly I had breathed life to it as it crept into my nostrils. Quietly it had infiltrated the dark depths of my growing dementia. Before long, I was possessed. I was possessed with the demon of the gunner and I had gone mad. I studied because I wanted to get honors, I wanted to get 100% on that test, and damnit, if it was not going to be tested, why learn it? I forgot what it was to enjoy being in class, soaking up the sweet medical knowlege as it was taught to me. I lost sight of why I was in medical school, of whom I had begun this whole process of education for - the patient. (I had forgotten the face of my father.) In short, I was turning into the type of physician you would never want to treat your Aunt Mildred.
The semester ended and I did not bother to check my grades when they were posted. I knew there would be no honors beside my OCED number. However: I did not cease to be. I was alive and breathing and although I began to think murder in my mind when my Mom asked me for the eightieth time, "What's happened to you? You used to love going to class!" I was still in Medical School and I still had a second chance.
To further my learning experience, I discovered, after talking to the Course director for last semester, that, although my test average was mediocre (average of 88%), my PBL instructor must have loved me because I got a 95% on that baby. Turns out, I could have gotten honors if I hadn't been so doolally. 1.6 more points would have been just enough. But I would still be mad.
This is not supposed to be about grades. In fact, this is the last time I will ever refer to my grades in a post again. It's about how I became a gunner and then learned to live again. Or, how I learned what Medical School is really all about. Or maybe even, 10 things not to do in your first year of Medical School.
Today, now, I will study because I enjoy it and because I want to learn. If I need to spend an hour of my time looking up something I don't quite understand but probably won't be tested on come test, then so be it. I go to Medicine, Patients and Society because it is an important part of my growth as a physician and not because attendance is taken. I participate in small group discussion because I care, not just to get 'noticed by the facilitator'. Because sometimes you need to strap on whenever it seems appropriate.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Break time
It is 9:45pm on a Saturday night. What is your beloved drc doing? The answer of course, studying Anatomy. What else?
It is two weeks into the semester and already we are moving at break neck speed. I have an embryology exam on Tuesday (thanks to Martin Luther King for giving me an extra study day) and my first Anatomy exam the Monday after. Yikes. Just thinking about it is making my heart race. I have not dared to take a look at the material for next week - to see it all at once, all million white stapled sheets, is to cause heart failure. Instead, I will look at it one day at a time. This way, I hope to preserve my sanity and make it out of Med school alive.
This time last semester it would be bedtime for me. I would have studied all that I had planned for the day, with time to spare. Alas. It is not so this semester. I set my glutes down at the library about 10am this morning, got up at 3pm to eat lunch and was later kicked out when it closed (it really should close later on the weekend, not earlier) at 8pm. Right now I am in the anatomy study room and I am not done with what I had intended. The debate in my mind right now is.....should I sleep late in order to accomplish my study goal for the day, or should I just set my study goal lower?
Break is over.
It is two weeks into the semester and already we are moving at break neck speed. I have an embryology exam on Tuesday (thanks to Martin Luther King for giving me an extra study day) and my first Anatomy exam the Monday after. Yikes. Just thinking about it is making my heart race. I have not dared to take a look at the material for next week - to see it all at once, all million white stapled sheets, is to cause heart failure. Instead, I will look at it one day at a time. This way, I hope to preserve my sanity and make it out of Med school alive.
This time last semester it would be bedtime for me. I would have studied all that I had planned for the day, with time to spare. Alas. It is not so this semester. I set my glutes down at the library about 10am this morning, got up at 3pm to eat lunch and was later kicked out when it closed (it really should close later on the weekend, not earlier) at 8pm. Right now I am in the anatomy study room and I am not done with what I had intended. The debate in my mind right now is.....should I sleep late in order to accomplish my study goal for the day, or should I just set my study goal lower?
Break is over.
Anatomy 101: How to be a gunner
1. As soon as you walk into lab, begin dissection on the cadaver as though it was meant exclusively for your learning purposes. Group members not there? That's okay - they can just learn by osmosis from you.
2. Ensure that you hog the scalpel. Other student's hands were not destined for glory as yours were. Besides, they can only hope and dream of the academic heights you will attain.
3. When a faculty member comes around to see if you need help, dazzle them with your intellectual prowess. Act as though this is the exam, right then and there. This way, you are sure to be placed on their teacher's pet list.
4. If the faculty member likes to show you structures by asking questions, be sure to scream out as many responses as you possibly can in the shortest time frame. Never mind if s/he asked for a muscle - throw in a few blood vessels and nerves for good measure. Don't worry if you mention a few structures that aren't in the part of the body you are dissecting...your faculty member will understand that you are merely being didactic.
5. Insist that you correct everyone in your group when they do not know or give the wrong answer to the questions. Be patient - not everyone is at the level you are, and they may misunderstand your altruism. However, you are doing this for them. Always remember that.
6. If you can, tuck the anatomy atlases and dissection books under the cadaver where they cannot be seen. As in 5 above, you are only doing your group members a favor - how can they learn if they have the answers right in front of them? (Be sure to take a peak at the book yourself when they are not looking. This is only so you can better serve in your capacity as anatomy group coordinator).
7. Elaborate on your study techniques, how and why they work for you - preferably to the whole class. Explain that this is the tried and tested study manual for them. You will soon be publishing it and you are doing them a favor by letting them have it free.
8. Always leave the lab last. In order to be a leader, you must first be a servant. (Remember to make sure the faculty observe this).
May you continue to gun as you have always gunned.
2. Ensure that you hog the scalpel. Other student's hands were not destined for glory as yours were. Besides, they can only hope and dream of the academic heights you will attain.
3. When a faculty member comes around to see if you need help, dazzle them with your intellectual prowess. Act as though this is the exam, right then and there. This way, you are sure to be placed on their teacher's pet list.
4. If the faculty member likes to show you structures by asking questions, be sure to scream out as many responses as you possibly can in the shortest time frame. Never mind if s/he asked for a muscle - throw in a few blood vessels and nerves for good measure. Don't worry if you mention a few structures that aren't in the part of the body you are dissecting...your faculty member will understand that you are merely being didactic.
5. Insist that you correct everyone in your group when they do not know or give the wrong answer to the questions. Be patient - not everyone is at the level you are, and they may misunderstand your altruism. However, you are doing this for them. Always remember that.
6. If you can, tuck the anatomy atlases and dissection books under the cadaver where they cannot be seen. As in 5 above, you are only doing your group members a favor - how can they learn if they have the answers right in front of them? (Be sure to take a peak at the book yourself when they are not looking. This is only so you can better serve in your capacity as anatomy group coordinator).
7. Elaborate on your study techniques, how and why they work for you - preferably to the whole class. Explain that this is the tried and tested study manual for them. You will soon be publishing it and you are doing them a favor by letting them have it free.
8. Always leave the lab last. In order to be a leader, you must first be a servant. (Remember to make sure the faculty observe this).
May you continue to gun as you have always gunned.
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