Sunday, November 08, 2009
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Goodbye General Medicine
In the last week of my 4 week general medicine block, the team changed. On Sunday, one of the interns called her last call and the very next Monday, the other intern presented his last (at least, on this rotation) presentation at attending rounds. It was a sad day. Then on Tuesday, the R2 left and Wednesday the R3 moved on as well. In short, I was left with a completely (well almost, the attending and PA stayed on) new team for about 3 days and a consequently completely different team dynamic. It was weird.
Everything felt wrong. It was four new people to get used to, with their own personalities and styles of teaching/learning. Mixed in with my desire to make like a tree and leave early every day in order to get some much needed studying done (evaluations = written by previous team), was my desire to be the perfect medical student/scut monkey, in helping out every member of the team, AND learning while I did so. I also didn't feel the urge to "make nice" with the new team, because that Friday was my last day. So what did I do? I toughed it out until Thursday, staying as late as usual and offering to help. On Friday, I stayed until 1pm and called it a day. Goodbye general medicine.
I have a feeling that I will never have a team as nice as this first team. Every now and then I catch glimpses of the R3 on the floors of the hospital and wave and grin enthusiastically to show how much I miss her. Walking with the PA one day, I saw the [female] intern who hugged us both and told us how much she misses us. It's almost as though we were never thrown together in close quarters for 4 busy weeks. We also had the special treat of being taken out to dinner by our attending Wednesday night. All in all, it was a very good team. I put a thank you note underneath my attending's office door to show my appreciation (after careful consideration about whether or not it was unethical - I decided it wasn't). I miss them all.
Everything felt wrong. It was four new people to get used to, with their own personalities and styles of teaching/learning. Mixed in with my desire to make like a tree and leave early every day in order to get some much needed studying done (evaluations = written by previous team), was my desire to be the perfect medical student/scut monkey, in helping out every member of the team, AND learning while I did so. I also didn't feel the urge to "make nice" with the new team, because that Friday was my last day. So what did I do? I toughed it out until Thursday, staying as late as usual and offering to help. On Friday, I stayed until 1pm and called it a day. Goodbye general medicine.
I have a feeling that I will never have a team as nice as this first team. Every now and then I catch glimpses of the R3 on the floors of the hospital and wave and grin enthusiastically to show how much I miss her. Walking with the PA one day, I saw the [female] intern who hugged us both and told us how much she misses us. It's almost as though we were never thrown together in close quarters for 4 busy weeks. We also had the special treat of being taken out to dinner by our attending Wednesday night. All in all, it was a very good team. I put a thank you note underneath my attending's office door to show my appreciation (after careful consideration about whether or not it was unethical - I decided it wasn't). I miss them all.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Medicine and the 'difficult' patient
Medicine changes people. For better or for worse, it has the potential to transform the most idealistic, I-want-to-help, good natured, hard working MS1 into a bitter, angry, and uncompassionate resident. For example, during conversations with my team in the hospital:
"[deadrocketcow], I swear I never used to be this mean. I never used to complain this much."
"I remember when I couldn't wait to be a resident. I thought it was all glamorous and helping people. But really, all you do all day is make calls and work with difficult patients. You're basically a glorified secretary."
"This sucks."
"Oh....no! Another admission? The Emergency Department admits everyone! Somebody shoot me."
"This guy [patient] is unbelievable! What does he want from me now?! Tell him to stop paging me already."
Looking at that, you might think I am surrounded by some of the most mean spirited people - doctors who don't care a fig about their patients. But after you have been working a 30 hour shift every 4 days for the past 3 months, on top of a 14 hour 'normal' work day, with no consideration for weekends, this does not sound all that unreasonable. Especially, when you have to work with the not so occasional 'difficult patient'...
Patient X, an active cocaine user, was admitted to the hospital with extremely high potassium levels (this is a dangerous thing as it can cause heart arrhythmias). He had been told for several years now that he would need dialysis, as his kidneys were no longer functioning correctly, but had decided he was not ready. Well, this time, his kidneys decided for him that he was ready since they could no longer rid his body of excess potassium. During his admission, he was beliggerent and rude to the nurses and our team, constantly demanding more pain medication, refusing to take his medication for his extensive co-morbidities, devising his own dosing schedule and demanding that we change his meds to that effect. He would also leave the hospital for hours at a time without telling his nurses, to smoke and engage in other medically frowned upon activities.
What is interesting were the contrasting attitudes my team had towards this 'difficult patient'. It was apparent that the further away you were from the start of your medical education, the more likely you were to be cynical and dismissive of this 'difficult' patient's needs, thinking "If he doesn't want to be treated, then why is he here? Let him leave."
Being fresh and naive on the medicine team, my thought was "this man is depressed about his life, his illnesses and the fact that he now needs to depend on a dialysis machine for at least 4 hours every other day in order to remain alive. He feels helpless, has no more control over his life and is expressing it by being difficult and rude to the team."
The intern, who is a 1st year resident, and still pretty close to medical school, thought "this man is understandably upset. He is very sick, probably depressed and hates being in the hospital. If he took his medications like he was supposed to, the diaylsis would probably help him feel a lot better. But what can you tell a crack head?"
The second year resident thought "this man is insane! Did he spend 10+ years learning to be a doctor that he can tell me what the correct dosage is for his [illness]? I know this must be hard for him, but come on! Maybe if he spent less time smoking crack, he would care more about his health."
And the 3rd year resident thought "He doesn't want to take his medication? Fine, that's his choice. Just don't call me at 3am because his [indicator of disease progression] is through the roof. If he wants to leave too, that's fine with me, just make him sign the Against Medical Advice form."
Let me just add: the members of my team are extremely hard working and go out of their way to be as helpful as they can for their patients, often at the expense of sleep, food and their own sanity. But working 90+ hours a week does have it's toll. Nevertheless, the medicine doctors and residents I have interacted with are very positive, taking time out of their hectic scedules to teach me, an ignorant medical student what is what. They find the time to sit with their patients and talk to them about their children, despite having 20 other patients they need to see within the hour. In the end, it works out. Somehow.
"[deadrocketcow], I swear I never used to be this mean. I never used to complain this much."
"I remember when I couldn't wait to be a resident. I thought it was all glamorous and helping people. But really, all you do all day is make calls and work with difficult patients. You're basically a glorified secretary."
"This sucks."
"Oh....no! Another admission? The Emergency Department admits everyone! Somebody shoot me."
"This guy [patient] is unbelievable! What does he want from me now?! Tell him to stop paging me already."
Looking at that, you might think I am surrounded by some of the most mean spirited people - doctors who don't care a fig about their patients. But after you have been working a 30 hour shift every 4 days for the past 3 months, on top of a 14 hour 'normal' work day, with no consideration for weekends, this does not sound all that unreasonable. Especially, when you have to work with the not so occasional 'difficult patient'...
Patient X, an active cocaine user, was admitted to the hospital with extremely high potassium levels (this is a dangerous thing as it can cause heart arrhythmias). He had been told for several years now that he would need dialysis, as his kidneys were no longer functioning correctly, but had decided he was not ready. Well, this time, his kidneys decided for him that he was ready since they could no longer rid his body of excess potassium. During his admission, he was beliggerent and rude to the nurses and our team, constantly demanding more pain medication, refusing to take his medication for his extensive co-morbidities, devising his own dosing schedule and demanding that we change his meds to that effect. He would also leave the hospital for hours at a time without telling his nurses, to smoke and engage in other medically frowned upon activities.
What is interesting were the contrasting attitudes my team had towards this 'difficult patient'. It was apparent that the further away you were from the start of your medical education, the more likely you were to be cynical and dismissive of this 'difficult' patient's needs, thinking "If he doesn't want to be treated, then why is he here? Let him leave."
Being fresh and naive on the medicine team, my thought was "this man is depressed about his life, his illnesses and the fact that he now needs to depend on a dialysis machine for at least 4 hours every other day in order to remain alive. He feels helpless, has no more control over his life and is expressing it by being difficult and rude to the team."
The intern, who is a 1st year resident, and still pretty close to medical school, thought "this man is understandably upset. He is very sick, probably depressed and hates being in the hospital. If he took his medications like he was supposed to, the diaylsis would probably help him feel a lot better. But what can you tell a crack head?"
The second year resident thought "this man is insane! Did he spend 10+ years learning to be a doctor that he can tell me what the correct dosage is for his [illness]? I know this must be hard for him, but come on! Maybe if he spent less time smoking crack, he would care more about his health."
And the 3rd year resident thought "He doesn't want to take his medication? Fine, that's his choice. Just don't call me at 3am because his [indicator of disease progression] is through the roof. If he wants to leave too, that's fine with me, just make him sign the Against Medical Advice form."
Let me just add: the members of my team are extremely hard working and go out of their way to be as helpful as they can for their patients, often at the expense of sleep, food and their own sanity. But working 90+ hours a week does have it's toll. Nevertheless, the medicine doctors and residents I have interacted with are very positive, taking time out of their hectic scedules to teach me, an ignorant medical student what is what. They find the time to sit with their patients and talk to them about their children, despite having 20 other patients they need to see within the hour. In the end, it works out. Somehow.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Happiness is making it to the library after a long day at the hospital
I finally made myself go to the library after I was done in the hospital today - despite wanting to collapse onto my bed forever. I can now pass a test on sudden death (for cardiac reasons), coronary artery disease and cardiac catheterization. Just imagine: soon, I may be YOUR doctor.
Some good things that happened today:
1. I went with a very nice lady to get paracentesis done and held her hand during the entire procedure (say thank ya to comfortable shoes).
2. Saw histoplasmosis under the microscope from a patient who has been mysteriously (no longer!) sick for a while.
3. Was given permission during intern conference by the director of the medicine residency program to *gasp* have a sandwich before all the interns had gotten theirs.
4. I studied. Life is good, no?
All in all, a good day. Tomorrow I am on call....so no studying for sure. Ps - I am still working out for 45 minutes at 5am during the week, strength training/lifting weights twice on the weekend (on an upper body, lower body repeater, if you're interested), sleeping an average of 7 hrs a night (got down to 4 hours once last week) and eating healthy.
Some good things that happened today:
1. I went with a very nice lady to get paracentesis done and held her hand during the entire procedure (say thank ya to comfortable shoes).
2. Saw histoplasmosis under the microscope from a patient who has been mysteriously (no longer!) sick for a while.
3. Was given permission during intern conference by the director of the medicine residency program to *gasp* have a sandwich before all the interns had gotten theirs.
4. I studied. Life is good, no?
All in all, a good day. Tomorrow I am on call....so no studying for sure. Ps - I am still working out for 45 minutes at 5am during the week, strength training/lifting weights twice on the weekend (on an upper body, lower body repeater, if you're interested), sleeping an average of 7 hrs a night (got down to 4 hours once last week) and eating healthy.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
No patients...
It is 7:08pm and I do not have a patient. Since both patients I was following last week have been discharged, I have to wait until a patient comes in so I can have work to do tomorrow (and not look like a total slacker). However, as I am a newly minted MS III with 1 week experience, it takes me at least 3 hours to examine a patient and write up an admission note. This does not include reading up on the patient and practicing my presentation so as to be the budding superstar that I am on attending rounds. Looks like I'll be here until 10pm or 11pm....and yet another day with no studying done.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Medicine Week 1: Awkwardness to the nth power (where n = infinity)
On Mon, July 6th at approximately 9:30am (after a brief introduction by the course director), 11 or so hapless, naive and incredibly awkward 3rd year medical students (yours truly included) were thrust onto the floors of the general medicine department at New York Presbyterian hospital to help take care of patients. With no inkling as to what to expect and what to do about not knowing what to expect, important questions began to arise:
1. When the team is going around (rounding, if it pleases ya) seeing patients first thing in the morning, where is the medical student to position his or her person so as to provide the least amount of interference with on going proceedings? In other words, how can I stay out of their way, yet remain visible?
2. How many times is it appropriate for the medical student to ask "Do you need any help?" before the energy and time required by the attending/resident/intern/physician assistant to respond, "Thanks for asking, but not right now." greatly exceeds the benefit of said proffered assistance?
3. What is the role of the medical student, exactly? Is it appropriate to be seen sitting at a computer and checking one's email?
It all seemed so hopeless. However, much can be accomplished in the space of 5 busy days. I am on a team made up of an attending (the lead doctor ultimately in charge of patient care), a 3rd year resident in internal medicine, a 2nd year resident in internal medicine, a physician assistant and two interns (first year residents who have to fulfill basic requirements before they can focus on what it is they are doing residency for). And me. Of course.
Since the same basic pattern repeats itself every day, it became easier after Wed or so, to get a sense of what was going on and then, at least, in my opinion, to make myself useful.
I get to the hospital at around 6:30am, check up on any events that transpired with the patients over night, taking special care to ensure any patients I am in charge of (2 - 4) aren't in critical condition and that I know exactly what state they are in. This is important, both for my own education, and in the event that I get pimped by the attending and lose points by Not Knowing My Patients (my evaluations are a big deal, thank you!).
At 7am, the team, sans attending, goes around and checks on the patients (about 20 or so) to find out if anything is pressing and how the patients feel. We then sit down at 8:30am with the attending so that the person who was on call (stayed through the night to provide continuity for patient care) describes in detail what happened to each patient during the night and if there are any new patients admitted.
From 9am - 10am, we round with the attending, checking on any new patients as well as those who are in critical condition. This is the point when the team comes up with a plan for patient care, with the attending deciding if this plan is appropriate. Since the attending is under pressure to get the on-call person home, so as to avoid exceeding the 'work hour limit', that person goes home at 10am.
After all the rounds are complete, it is time to get down to the nitty-gritty of patient care - paper work, writing notes in the patient charts, calling other doctors to call other doctors so that specialists can come in to see patients and other such scut work. In my case, I help my team as much as I can, and focus on the 2 - 4 patients I am in charge of: from examining the patient and writing a note about their progress, making sure medication is being given, that tests are being sent and carried out to mopping up patient vomit.
Usually, I have a class at 12pm - 1pm. When I come back from that, everything repeats itself. At 6pm (medical student official going home time) my feet are screaming for mercy and my stomach is yelling blue murder. However, this is a critical moment. It is tempting to rush out the door without a backward glance in order to eat and begin studying, but it is important to ask everyone on the team if there is anything that I can help with. The fact is, there is always something, so I am guaranteed another hour or two of work. As such, I usually get back from the hospital between 7pm and 8pm too exhausted to think about anything beyond food and sleep. If I got a new patient that day, I practice my presentation on them for the next day's rounds and read about their disease. If not, I read up as much as I can about all my patient's diseases and their treatment. Not a great substitute for hard core studying, but I have weekends for that.
So far, I am still eating healthy, getting some exercise (5am - 5:45am, if you can dig that) and sleeping no less than 6 hours a night. Let's see how long that will last.
1. When the team is going around (rounding, if it pleases ya) seeing patients first thing in the morning, where is the medical student to position his or her person so as to provide the least amount of interference with on going proceedings? In other words, how can I stay out of their way, yet remain visible?
2. How many times is it appropriate for the medical student to ask "Do you need any help?" before the energy and time required by the attending/resident/intern/physician assistant to respond, "Thanks for asking, but not right now." greatly exceeds the benefit of said proffered assistance?
3. What is the role of the medical student, exactly? Is it appropriate to be seen sitting at a computer and checking one's email?
It all seemed so hopeless. However, much can be accomplished in the space of 5 busy days. I am on a team made up of an attending (the lead doctor ultimately in charge of patient care), a 3rd year resident in internal medicine, a 2nd year resident in internal medicine, a physician assistant and two interns (first year residents who have to fulfill basic requirements before they can focus on what it is they are doing residency for). And me. Of course.
Since the same basic pattern repeats itself every day, it became easier after Wed or so, to get a sense of what was going on and then, at least, in my opinion, to make myself useful.
I get to the hospital at around 6:30am, check up on any events that transpired with the patients over night, taking special care to ensure any patients I am in charge of (2 - 4) aren't in critical condition and that I know exactly what state they are in. This is important, both for my own education, and in the event that I get pimped by the attending and lose points by Not Knowing My Patients (my evaluations are a big deal, thank you!).
At 7am, the team, sans attending, goes around and checks on the patients (about 20 or so) to find out if anything is pressing and how the patients feel. We then sit down at 8:30am with the attending so that the person who was on call (stayed through the night to provide continuity for patient care) describes in detail what happened to each patient during the night and if there are any new patients admitted.
From 9am - 10am, we round with the attending, checking on any new patients as well as those who are in critical condition. This is the point when the team comes up with a plan for patient care, with the attending deciding if this plan is appropriate. Since the attending is under pressure to get the on-call person home, so as to avoid exceeding the 'work hour limit', that person goes home at 10am.
After all the rounds are complete, it is time to get down to the nitty-gritty of patient care - paper work, writing notes in the patient charts, calling other doctors to call other doctors so that specialists can come in to see patients and other such scut work. In my case, I help my team as much as I can, and focus on the 2 - 4 patients I am in charge of: from examining the patient and writing a note about their progress, making sure medication is being given, that tests are being sent and carried out to mopping up patient vomit.
Usually, I have a class at 12pm - 1pm. When I come back from that, everything repeats itself. At 6pm (medical student official going home time) my feet are screaming for mercy and my stomach is yelling blue murder. However, this is a critical moment. It is tempting to rush out the door without a backward glance in order to eat and begin studying, but it is important to ask everyone on the team if there is anything that I can help with. The fact is, there is always something, so I am guaranteed another hour or two of work. As such, I usually get back from the hospital between 7pm and 8pm too exhausted to think about anything beyond food and sleep. If I got a new patient that day, I practice my presentation on them for the next day's rounds and read about their disease. If not, I read up as much as I can about all my patient's diseases and their treatment. Not a great substitute for hard core studying, but I have weekends for that.
So far, I am still eating healthy, getting some exercise (5am - 5:45am, if you can dig that) and sleeping no less than 6 hours a night. Let's see how long that will last.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Boards...
...are over! From 7:30am to about 4:30pm, I poured out all the knowledge I had acquired in my first 2 years of medical school onto that 336 multiple choice question test. I was calm, I was determined to do my best and the force was with me. Sometime in July, I will get my score and will be 1/3 of the way to being board certified. Awesome.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Home stretch
There are two weeks before the end of BOD and before we are set loose to study for the Boards. Not that it really matters - I have not been to class in about a month. However, it will be nice to not have PBL three times a week at 8am.
Skipping classes is the best thing I have done so far. It gives me more time to study class related material for test's sake, allows me more Board studying time (can you say awesome?), gives me the chance to actually do research (something I had neglected for months and months) AND get a decent amount of sleep at night. What could be better than that?
There are various things to be considered for this 6 week stretch I have ahead of me. I need to make a study schedule and decide where I want to study (the library is sure to be infested with my classmates). Should I take a day off, or plow straight through until May 26th? There are many plans to be made, much scheming to be had and the rubbing of hands together in leery fashion.
Until then, I have a Physical Diagnosis written exam on Tue, a practical on Wed, a Rheumatology test after next week and a triple jump exam to end it with.
Skipping classes is the best thing I have done so far. It gives me more time to study class related material for test's sake, allows me more Board studying time (can you say awesome?), gives me the chance to actually do research (something I had neglected for months and months) AND get a decent amount of sleep at night. What could be better than that?
There are various things to be considered for this 6 week stretch I have ahead of me. I need to make a study schedule and decide where I want to study (the library is sure to be infested with my classmates). Should I take a day off, or plow straight through until May 26th? There are many plans to be made, much scheming to be had and the rubbing of hands together in leery fashion.
Until then, I have a Physical Diagnosis written exam on Tue, a practical on Wed, a Rheumatology test after next week and a triple jump exam to end it with.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
If not now, when? or I don't want to have to study this for the first time 6 weeks before the Boards.
Several times as I have been studying for this HORRID and merciless exam, I have opened a chapter in one of my board review books (anatomy, for example) and my immediate thought is "I'd rather eat ground glass than study this right now. I can't believe I memorized all this crap during Anatomy...there is NO way I can do it again."
And then I feel sorry for myself and maybe even shed a tear or three. Then, I think....if I don't do this now - I will have to wade through all this information (and more) after classes are over aka board studying crunch time.
Do you want that?!? I scream to myself (in my head of course, I'm in the library). Do you want to be crying and vomiting in terror 6 weeks before the worst exam known to mankind simply because you were lazy?!? Because you wanted to sleep an extra 3 hours?!? Better shape up or ship out, young lady, or I will be mopping you off the floor!! This is the anti-lazy-pro-270-board-score-self help mental Nazi I have installed somewhere in my amygdala. It helps most of the time.
Not so much right now....head and neck anatomy? Give me a break, this chapter is 20 pages too long. Full of pure memorization, as soon as I read "...the external carotid artery has eight branches in the neck." my brain started to hurt. Did I really know all 8 of these branches at some point in my life? Arrgh! Somebody, kill me now. I can't do it, I can't!!!
End rant.
I will take it
one branch at a time.
Back to the grind.
And then I feel sorry for myself and maybe even shed a tear or three. Then, I think....if I don't do this now - I will have to wade through all this information (and more) after classes are over aka board studying crunch time.
Do you want that?!? I scream to myself (in my head of course, I'm in the library). Do you want to be crying and vomiting in terror 6 weeks before the worst exam known to mankind simply because you were lazy?!? Because you wanted to sleep an extra 3 hours?!? Better shape up or ship out, young lady, or I will be mopping you off the floor!! This is the anti-lazy-pro-270-board-score-self help mental Nazi I have installed somewhere in my amygdala. It helps most of the time.
Not so much right now....head and neck anatomy? Give me a break, this chapter is 20 pages too long. Full of pure memorization, as soon as I read "...the external carotid artery has eight branches in the neck." my brain started to hurt. Did I really know all 8 of these branches at some point in my life? Arrgh! Somebody, kill me now. I can't do it, I can't!!!
End rant.
I will take it
one branch at a time.
Back to the grind.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
It's a question that is becoming more and more frequent in my mind: should I study three extra hours or get a good night's sleep? Is it really worth it to go to the gym when I have a test in two days? Which is more important, my health (surely in the short run only) or doing well on a test?
I make beautiful, super-fantastic plans. This is me, writing in my planner Friday night: wake up tomorrow at 6:30am, workout for 45 mins or an hour, eat a good breakfast (something with heart healthy whole grains and a good amount of protein) and commence studying by 8:30am. Good, awesome. I go to bed smiling to myself - I'm really going to crush the Boards.
What really happens: my eyes open and by the way my body feels (actually well rested and wholesome), I know it's definitely not 6:30am. I keep my eyes up at the ceiling praying it's only say, 8:30am. That wouldn't be so bad....I could just skip the gym, swap the heart healthy breakfast for coffee and a banana (they're full of potassium, right?) and still crush the Boards. Even on an empty stomach. So I look at the clock. It's 10:30am. What?!? How could I have possibly allowed my body to get the sleep it needs?? Did I even hear my alarm clock? When did I turn it off? Arrgghhh, etc.
Of course, you know my whole day is ruined. I shall fail the Boards, never get a real job, end up working 12am to 10am shifts at a 24-hr McDonald's and eventually wind up homeless and penniless on the streets. So I convince myself that since I'm late already, I'll go to the gym for half an hour AND eat a good breakfast. Studying from 12pm to as late as I can manage is not really so bad. Especially if I skip the movie I planned to watch with N tonight. Again. It's just a movie, right?
Luckily, that didn't happen today. Today was better. I planned to get to the library at 8am when it opened, but I got here at 9am. Instead of getting up at 7:15am like I planned, I got up at 8am. What's 45 minutes between friends, you ask. Nothing, I respond. I will study until 8pm when the library closes, get a work out at the gym, do some much needed apartment cleaning and then go to bed. That will be a good day. (If I can make it happen....i.e. not take a nap in the middle of the afternoon when the going gets tough.)
My study break is over. Back to learning all the intimate details about Streptococcus agalactiae. God knows, the Boards love those little critters.
I make beautiful, super-fantastic plans. This is me, writing in my planner Friday night: wake up tomorrow at 6:30am, workout for 45 mins or an hour, eat a good breakfast (something with heart healthy whole grains and a good amount of protein) and commence studying by 8:30am. Good, awesome. I go to bed smiling to myself - I'm really going to crush the Boards.
What really happens: my eyes open and by the way my body feels (actually well rested and wholesome), I know it's definitely not 6:30am. I keep my eyes up at the ceiling praying it's only say, 8:30am. That wouldn't be so bad....I could just skip the gym, swap the heart healthy breakfast for coffee and a banana (they're full of potassium, right?) and still crush the Boards. Even on an empty stomach. So I look at the clock. It's 10:30am. What?!? How could I have possibly allowed my body to get the sleep it needs?? Did I even hear my alarm clock? When did I turn it off? Arrgghhh, etc.
Of course, you know my whole day is ruined. I shall fail the Boards, never get a real job, end up working 12am to 10am shifts at a 24-hr McDonald's and eventually wind up homeless and penniless on the streets. So I convince myself that since I'm late already, I'll go to the gym for half an hour AND eat a good breakfast. Studying from 12pm to as late as I can manage is not really so bad. Especially if I skip the movie I planned to watch with N tonight. Again. It's just a movie, right?
Luckily, that didn't happen today. Today was better. I planned to get to the library at 8am when it opened, but I got here at 9am. Instead of getting up at 7:15am like I planned, I got up at 8am. What's 45 minutes between friends, you ask. Nothing, I respond. I will study until 8pm when the library closes, get a work out at the gym, do some much needed apartment cleaning and then go to bed. That will be a good day. (If I can make it happen....i.e. not take a nap in the middle of the afternoon when the going gets tough.)
My study break is over. Back to learning all the intimate details about Streptococcus agalactiae. God knows, the Boards love those little critters.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
On Basis of Disease, Boards and Christmas break
Tomorrow is the last day of class before the first day of Christmas break. This is a good thing. I am looking forward to seeing my sister and her husband and my oh so little nephew (who just happens to be the cutest little boy on earth, cuter even, than your nephew). Now I can get down to some serious Heroes TV watching and some long anticipated Just After Sunset reading. Yes, indeed. Life is good.
BOD is only half as interesting as BAM. At this point in time one thing is still clear to me: I am definitely interested in learning about the brain. This means neurosurgery, neurology or psychiatry, in that order. Of course, I could have a mind blowing experience during a pathology rotation in 3rd or 4th year and decide to become a pathologist. [Insert joke about lack of people skills here]. Another thing...
As we plod through the body system by system, I am reminded of just how much will be expected of me somewhere between April 15th and July 1st. It's the big U. Or B. Or S of the B...I said the, not 'a'! Ladies and gentlemen, the boards are coming. And I am very afraid.
Goodnight.
BOD is only half as interesting as BAM. At this point in time one thing is still clear to me: I am definitely interested in learning about the brain. This means neurosurgery, neurology or psychiatry, in that order. Of course, I could have a mind blowing experience during a pathology rotation in 3rd or 4th year and decide to become a pathologist. [Insert joke about lack of people skills here]. Another thing...
As we plod through the body system by system, I am reminded of just how much will be expected of me somewhere between April 15th and July 1st. It's the big U. Or B. Or S of the B...I said the, not 'a'! Ladies and gentlemen, the boards are coming. And I am very afraid.
Goodnight.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Lists and such
This week I:
1. Watched a pituitary tumor being removed via the nose.
2. Took my second Brain and Mind test.
3. Got my grade for said test.
4. Caught a cold and then learned that Theraflu is far more superior to Dayquil.
5. Considered taking No doze and opted for coffee. (What next: uppers?)
Tomorrow I will:
1. Not take a nap after class, no matter how congested I feel.
2. Re-memorize those descending motor pathways (feels like Brown again).
3. Go to the gym if I feel better than I did this morning.
Right now I need to:
1. Read (and learn) about a bunch of opioid and NSAID analgesics.
2. Prepare for tomorrow's classes.
3. Not think about sleep.
4. Stop thinking about Pepperidge Farm Soft Baked Milk Chocolate Caramel cookies, because I have already consumed an entire package.
1. Watched a pituitary tumor being removed via the nose.
2. Took my second Brain and Mind test.
3. Got my grade for said test.
4. Caught a cold and then learned that Theraflu is far more superior to Dayquil.
5. Considered taking No doze and opted for coffee. (What next: uppers?)
Tomorrow I will:
1. Not take a nap after class, no matter how congested I feel.
2. Re-memorize those descending motor pathways (feels like Brown again).
3. Go to the gym if I feel better than I did this morning.
Right now I need to:
1. Read (and learn) about a bunch of opioid and NSAID analgesics.
2. Prepare for tomorrow's classes.
3. Not think about sleep.
4. Stop thinking about Pepperidge Farm Soft Baked Milk Chocolate Caramel cookies, because I have already consumed an entire package.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Brain and Mind, yo. (And MPSII)
Today was my first introduction to the harsh reality that is 2nd year. Class began at 8am as usual but after an hour and a half break for lunch (which will be reduced to an hour as the semester proceeds) it was back for more medical school learning. I realized that I never had the chance to say good bye to 1pm days with lectures that never exceeded 60 minute blocks. Lucky first years...
Yet, I had a very good day. The lectures were interesting (on the non-verbal part of the mental status exam), the small group discussions enlightening, though a tad bit tedious (what with the awkward pauses and the shuffling of the feet). I did get picked to play doctor and 'pretend' interview one of my classmates. With 12 other pairs of eyes on my every move and not having conducted a complete history since last year, my interview was - how do you say - not so hot, but still. For once in small group, my heart wasn't racing out of control and I actually thought about what I was doing...as I was doing it. Will wonders ever cease?
I think I will enjoy this semester. It is, after all, all the classes I have ever wanted to take, my major in College (Neuroscience) and my (as of now) dream career rolled into one. Of course, it doesn't help that everyone says it is the most (and I quote) 'horrid and unforgiving class at WCMC' and that 'by the end of the semester it will have made me it's b!$#&. Shudder.
I am half way through my anatomy of the neck notes for tomorrow and it is 11:06pm. Why did God make necks??
Yet, I had a very good day. The lectures were interesting (on the non-verbal part of the mental status exam), the small group discussions enlightening, though a tad bit tedious (what with the awkward pauses and the shuffling of the feet). I did get picked to play doctor and 'pretend' interview one of my classmates. With 12 other pairs of eyes on my every move and not having conducted a complete history since last year, my interview was - how do you say - not so hot, but still. For once in small group, my heart wasn't racing out of control and I actually thought about what I was doing...as I was doing it. Will wonders ever cease?
I think I will enjoy this semester. It is, after all, all the classes I have ever wanted to take, my major in College (Neuroscience) and my (as of now) dream career rolled into one. Of course, it doesn't help that everyone says it is the most (and I quote) 'horrid and unforgiving class at WCMC' and that 'by the end of the semester it will have made me it's b!$#&. Shudder.
I am half way through my anatomy of the neck notes for tomorrow and it is 11:06pm. Why did God make necks??
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Untitled
Unhappiness
is something that happens to other people, she said
of mind filled with possibilities and bursting forth with a mad desire to educate
those souls who could not know love as she knew it
how she was living and breathing and creating with every step
a monument, a vision of self sacrifice
So that not even the little that he had could dissuade her.
If there were an expression of doubt or pity that might stand in the way of her consciousness she could not see it because
Unhappiness
Was something that happened to other people.
And how could she?
When the mind is tormented with what the senses provide and what the heart will speak
What does it matter what the future will bring
If tomorrow will be the same as yesterday or the day before
And if the night will follow day?
In that moment; in that endless moment when their souls lay naked
Before the altar where they drink the sweet tears that consummate a union
There is only now.
So when she said
I am bruised and bleeding on the ground before you
I did not believe her.
For how could so cheap a thing which infected other people
Now rear its head and contaminate that vision of purity?
Suddenly the lines in the pavement that were once there to play by
Were cracks
And the sunlight that fell in your face in the morning window became a glare
Your laughter a mad cackle in the dark of the night.
But has she given over her mind’s thought to the depths of this new despair?
I have said to her this, but she does not respond.
is something that happens to other people, she said
of mind filled with possibilities and bursting forth with a mad desire to educate
those souls who could not know love as she knew it
how she was living and breathing and creating with every step
a monument, a vision of self sacrifice
So that not even the little that he had could dissuade her.
If there were an expression of doubt or pity that might stand in the way of her consciousness she could not see it because
Unhappiness
Was something that happened to other people.
And how could she?
When the mind is tormented with what the senses provide and what the heart will speak
What does it matter what the future will bring
If tomorrow will be the same as yesterday or the day before
And if the night will follow day?
In that moment; in that endless moment when their souls lay naked
Before the altar where they drink the sweet tears that consummate a union
There is only now.
So when she said
I am bruised and bleeding on the ground before you
I did not believe her.
For how could so cheap a thing which infected other people
Now rear its head and contaminate that vision of purity?
Suddenly the lines in the pavement that were once there to play by
Were cracks
And the sunlight that fell in your face in the morning window became a glare
Your laughter a mad cackle in the dark of the night.
But has she given over her mind’s thought to the depths of this new despair?
I have said to her this, but she does not respond.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
In the spirit of poetry...
...a new favorite.
Pursuit
Each thing I do I rush through so I can do
something else. In such a way do the days pass -
a blend of stock car racing and the never
ending building of a gothic cathedral.
Through the windows of my speeding car, I see
all that I love falling away: books unread,
jokes untold, landscapes unvisited. And why?
What treasure do I expect in my future?
Rather it is the confusion of childhood
loping behind me, the chaos in the mind,
the failure chipping away at each success.
Glancing over my shoulder I see its shape
and so move forward, as someone in the woods
at night might hear the sound of approaching feet
and stop to listen, then, instead of silence
he hears some creature trying to be silent.
What else can he do but run? Rushing blindly
down the path, stumbling, struck in the face by sticks;
the other ever closer, yet not really
hurrying or out of breath, teasing its kill.
-Stephen Dobyns
Pursuit
Each thing I do I rush through so I can do
something else. In such a way do the days pass -
a blend of stock car racing and the never
ending building of a gothic cathedral.
Through the windows of my speeding car, I see
all that I love falling away: books unread,
jokes untold, landscapes unvisited. And why?
What treasure do I expect in my future?
Rather it is the confusion of childhood
loping behind me, the chaos in the mind,
the failure chipping away at each success.
Glancing over my shoulder I see its shape
and so move forward, as someone in the woods
at night might hear the sound of approaching feet
and stop to listen, then, instead of silence
he hears some creature trying to be silent.
What else can he do but run? Rushing blindly
down the path, stumbling, struck in the face by sticks;
the other ever closer, yet not really
hurrying or out of breath, teasing its kill.
-Stephen Dobyns
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