Reflection

I took my Step 2 CS exam January 12th. This served as chance to reflect on how much I have learned in medical school. I remember getting ready to start third year and memorizing the physical exam and the questions in the history. I thought to myself there was no way I could ever remember each maneuver or remember each part of the history and do it in a manner that pretended to be close to efficient.
Turns out, I did.
I studied about a week for this test (can you say pass/fail?) and only practiced doing a physical once - because even though I have not done much more than a Neuro exam for the past 6 months, once I started, it came back to me easily, flowing out my brain and into my hands like warm syrup on a buttered pancake. I was mostly concerned about making sure if a standardized patient started leading me down the path of HIV/STI's I remembered to ask about safe sex practice...or if another suddenly started coughing uncontrollably, I would offer a tissue, and remember to check for blood in said tissue. All the while coming up with a differential for hemoptysis, which is to say, coughing up blood.
I think I passed. But I'll find out for sure in six - ten weeks.
The next hurdle is Step 2 CK which I have rescheduled to March 28th. I am amazed at how different my state of mind is for this exam compared to Step 1. Perhaps, because I don't feel the fate of a residency position/my career/my happiness/my whole life as I know it rests entirely on this exam as it (sorta) did on Step 1. I have applied, I have interviewed, and hey - by the time I take the exam I will already have matched (or not matched). So take that, residency!
All in a day's work.

Things are back to normal

There are 66 days until Match day. I am almost done interviewing - I have two more and then interviews will be yesterday's headlines. Thinking about the email I will receive on March 14th (the Monday before the match) saying whether or not I have matched, makes me ill now. How will I be on the 13th? *Shudder*
Fourth year is winding down now with rotations such as "the research elective", Primary Care and ethics, where a late day is 6pm, and waking up early, is...well, non-existent. At this rate, residency will be a rude shock. If I match. A ha! Ha. Ha...excuse me while I go cry quietly in the corner.
I feel better now.
I have my Step 2 CS exam Wednesday and thank God it is pass/fail. Really, I just want to get it over with. Surely, I am empathetic and compassionate? Surely, I can ask [fake] patients the right questions in the right tone of voice with just the right amount of eye contact? In any case, this is just another one of those trials that medical school is full of, proving that I am worthy of the future M.D. after my name. Deadrocketcow, M.D. Nice, eh?
You know it.