Thursday, September 12, 2013

I still hate presentations and other thoughts

I am close to the end of this three month Pediatric Neurosurgery rotation in this here, mid-western state and as such, I have a presentation to work on. This presentation is due on Monday. Yes.
I cheated and asked one of the attendings for topic suggestions. So now I have one: X-linked congenital hydrocephalus. I also have 5 solid hours of free time today before my OR case in the mid afternoon. A great opportunity to get some work done.
So, of course, I'm blogging.
My surgical skills are improving, and in turn, so is my confidence. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm a quiet/shy/reserved sorta gal. I err on the side of caution. If there is any doubt in my mind about something, I hold back and assume that I will be wrong. This is not your classical surgeon, and more specifically - neurosurgoen personality, which, as my program director (Dr. R) has reminded me over and over again, hampers my learning.
If I don't "take over" the case in the OR, the attending assumes I don't want to. I just assume that "taking over" like that is rude. If I don't have anything worthwile to say, I keep silent. My attendings think I'm not interested. I've never been one to always have something to say. You know, like that person. In my [humble] opinion, those that have the most to say, usually know the least.
However, my co-resident here is pretty much the exact opposite. Assertive is putting it mildly. There are other choice adjectives I could use to describe her, but that's material for another post. Out of a desire to survive this rotation and not be her doormat, my personality has taken some sharpening. Dr. R would be proud.
What else has improved?
My neurosurgical knowlege. My ability to communicate with patients and their parents in terms they can understand. Working with difficult people. Compromising. This rotation has made me a better neurosurgeon (in training) AND person.
I now know what it is to be so tired that you can't think.
To be so tired that you would rather sleep than eat (despite being ferociously hungry).
My patience has been tried. To the moon and then back again.
But I'm still here. Right?
After this rotation, I pretty much have no reason to ever complain about work ever again. It has been rough.
As such, I am counting down the days for my return to my home program, where I will begin a one month Endovascular rotation.
I'll miss everyone in the department. Everyone except my co-resident. But, like I said, that's material for another post.

I guess I should work on my presentation now.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

I feel your pain. It is a difficult process becoming a more assertive woman, but the rewards for doing so are out of this world. Things you never thought possible will be possible. Assertiveness comes with confidence. I enjoyed reading your blog, and hope you post again soon.

Ima said...

Amen!

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