Random thoughts

I had my first test today. It was short - (12 questions) - more of a quiz than a test, but still. I studied hard and I am glad I did. It required quite a bit of thinking what with the pKa's of amino acids and different pH environments. I had immediate gratification too (or not), because we went over the answers together in class, as this was only our first test.
I was angry with myself, of course, because I missed a question I ought to have gotten correct. If only I had.......but of course 'if only' doesn't count. A wrong answer is a wrong answer. How many times must I tell myself not to obsess over having made a mistake, but rather focus on learning from that mistake and moving on? And when will I truly believe that I am learning material so I can better understand the basic science behind disease (hopefully to be a great physician) and not just to ace an exam? Give me strength!

In other news....I work in a lab at night in the hospital affiliated with my school and I often have to pick up samples from the nurses. Last night, I was standing at the nurse's station waiting for one of the nurses to come back from seeing a patient. I was looking around at all the neatly labelled files and cubbyholes wondering what 'patient request form' and 'meal agreement' meant, when I happened to see 'report of death'. For a moment I was stunned. How could such an appalling proclamation be so casually placed next to 'meal agreement'? How could one line mean so much? I wondered how many families had been affected by the filling of that report. Was there someone right at that very moment heading towards being another name on a piece of hospital stationary? Of course I know that many people die every day in hospitals, and yet, seeing a visible and tangible reminder of that fact was somewhat of a shock.

I have three more allosteric enzyme inhibitor drugs to understand, *cough* memorise *cough* before I sleep.