This must end

Perfecting the art of the Anti-social one day at a time; one silent hour after the other. In my room, reading my book, as always. Got up this morning, went to my computer, as always. Checked in at the Msn Hotel, with a stop at the Aim Plaza, for an increasingly unhealthy addiction to making huge castles in the air with random online people. (let's save the world) People I've never met. People I will never meet. And so my mind wanders-
because I have too much time on my hands. I don't have to think about studying Orgo, or neuroscience or practicing my sign language. No research to get done by the end of the week, no work, no lab, just a nothing-ness that could stretch on forever. And so my mind wanders-
because...
And the thing is, I want to stay in my room. I want to stay here until the end of spring break, and just breathe. And even if a friend I know who is also on campus knocked on my door and wanted us to go do something, I would say no. So when my friends come back from Miami, and Hawai, and the-place-where-College-sophomores-go-to-get-wild, they will ask me why I stayed in my room all week and did nothing. I will have no answer, and they will make their own answers for me - they will tell me it's
because...
Because in another dimension I would be
would be...exhilarated.
And they will fling the D word at me. They will tell me I need to get over-
the hill, it's a big hill, and ah, the grass is so green. And there are flowers. Purple flowers, and oh, the sky is so blue...
Insurmountable, unforgettable. The telltale signs of a fleeting moment, a moment that lasted ten thousand years, yet was over before it ever began. Slowly sinking in a downward spiral.

This must end.